Newsletters

NEWS FROM THE LANC WINTER 2012

Bryan Day
Sadly, Bryan Day, the wonderful bassist and vocalist for years with The Sensation Jazz Band, and in recent years with numerous area bands, passed away Nov 28th after succumbing to cancer. Bryan was well know throughout the jazz and music world as the big guy with the sweet voice. Fittingly at the Service of Remembrance for Bryan on Dec 3, 2011, which was attended by numerous musicians and jazz fans, three of the songs that the band played were In The Sweet Bye and Bye, Lonesome Road and Precious Lord Take My Hand, songs that we have heard Bryan sing many times. You’ll be missed Bryan. Thanks for the memories.

Silverleaf Jazz Band – Oct 8
On a Saturday that included the opening of Oktoberfest, Thanksgiving weekend and a beautiful autumn day, a smaller than usual, but very boisterous crowd, were treated to the songs of the hot Silverleaf Jazz Band. They were cookin!! Leader Jack King, banjo, along with Gary Scriven, drums, Reide Kaiser, piano, Colin Bray, string bass, Joe Van Rossem, trumpet, and Brian Graville, clarinet, (last week on trumpet with Ragweed, next week on piano with Dinny) were joined on trombone by Len “Boots” Gosling, the original founder of jazz at The Lanc in 1978. Songs included Bix’s Davenport Blues, Savoy Blues, a 1928 tune Dear Old Southland, Down By The Riverside, Dixieland One Step and many more. A swinging Tuxedo Junction filled the dance floor. Brian played a great Beautiful Ohio and Len vocalized several songs including Yes Sir, That’s My Baby. This great afternoon ended with a large parasol parade, including new owners Chris and Cathy, as the band played Bourbon St Parade and The Saints. Judy Earl won the Hog Tails BarBQue food voucher while Len Gosling’s daughter, Julie, won the 50/50.

Dinny & The All Stars – Oct 15
In a solid day of OKOM, the back line of Glenn Anderson, drums, Jack Zorawski, bass, and Brian Graville, piano, drove Dinny, trumpet, Mick Lewis, clarinet, and Peter Turner, trombone to some very fine Dixieland music this day. After Let’s Go Down To Duke’s Place, Dinny jumped right into If You Knew Suzie in tribute to Suzie Lane’s reappearance at The Lanc after 200 days of dealing with her severe health issues. Great to see you back Suzie! Then Peter Tuner re-invented the wonderful trombone solo of Stardust that he did in Elmira, NY. Irish Black Bottom and Play That Thing rounded off set one. The Teddy Bears Picnic and Ice Cream were played for our youngest paid up member, 6 year old Indigo Asher. Brian and Mick did a neat job on Summerset, followed by Is It True What They Say About Dixie. Dinny and the band then played a tribute to the late, great Malky Higgins, the fine trumpet player with the Sensation JB for years, with Sleepy Time Down South – one of Louis’ big hits. Bourbon St. Parade then had 30 second liners parading before the break. The Lanc Jazz Club was sung by all. Mick Lewis performed his very own Blue Autumn followed by Brian with some great piano boogie-woogie. Panama, Beale St. and Kansas City closed out another great day of Dixieland to a fine autumn audience. Marie won the Hog Tails BarBQ gift voucher and Betty Dougherty the 50/50 draw.

The Hot 5 Jazzmakers – Oct 22
On a Saturday that most Lanc fans indicated was one of the best “all-time” musical performances, The Hot 5 certainly lived up to their name – HOT! HOT! HOT! This was truly a day not to be missed. Leader Brian Towers and his regulars Janet Shaw on saxs and clarinet, Reide Kaiser, piano, Gary Scriven, drums and the ‘late’ birthday guy Jamie MacPherson, banjo, were joined by Mick Lewis, clarinet and Abbey Sholzberg on string bass. While trumpet Andre Saradin’s personal appearance was missed, the band’s outstanding presentation left little to the imagination. Jan and Mick’s stupendous clarinet duos on St. Phillips Street Breakdown, (to which Nancy #3 kept an incredible pace with young swing dancer Krista), and several other duo jammings was such a musical treat. Gary entertained fans on the washboard with Coney Island Washboard, China Boy and others. As usual Brian’s professional selection of songs ranged from ballads – Until The Real Thing Comes Along, April Showers, Dream A Little Dream Of Me,
S’Wonderful to some Duke Ellington – Creole Love Call, and some truly Dixieland standards – Big Butter & Egg Man, St. Louis Blues, Struttin’ With Some BarBQue, featuring Mick and the rhythm section, Weary Blues and others. What a fine day of music. Fans are already looking ahead to their next appearance Nov 19. Maire LaMarsh won the Hog Tails BarBQue food voucher and Jerry Tuttleman a very nice 50/50, thanks to the largest crowd of the season.

Florida Was Hot! – But Nice
With the balmy temperature of Florida beckoning us for our annual “break” – Right!! – we missed The Dixie Demons, The Red Hot Ramble, Dinny & The All Stars and The Hot 5 Jazzmakers between Oct 29 and Nov 19. All reports we received indicated fans were treated to some great music by all the bands. With record Florida temperatures (90’s) it was tough to be away from the jazz club but we tried to make it work. Thanks!

The Dixie Demons – Dec 3
At the season finale, before the holiday season sets in, the Dixie Demons were in top form. This tight, talented, young (compared to many of the others) band, sent fans home in a happy festive mood. From the opening Jingle Bells to the ending Sleigh Ride the afternoon was indeed fun. Under the co-leadership of Ross Wooldridge, clarinet and Dan Douglas, trombone, the balance of the band Chris Lamont, drums, Steve Crowe, trumpet, Doug Burrell, tuba and Phil (I know most of the words) Disera, banjo, played a varied array of OKOM. Songs included At The Jazz Band Ball, That’s A Plenty – at warp speed, Bourbon St. Parade, Muskrat Ramble and more including the bands own Harbour Front Stroll and several Christmas songs. One of the afternoon highlights was the dancing and choreography of Nancy #1 on stage with her big red nose as the band played Rudolph. Red wine really makes for happy people! Marianne Blaire won the 50/50 draw and Pat Dahmer the Lancaster Smokehouse food voucher. Tom Seibert won the semi-annual jazz club members draw – a generous $150 food voucher from new Smokehouse owners Chris and Cathy Corrigan. See you all January 7, 2012.

JAZZ QUIZ
1. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9
die. How many are left?
2. A doctor gives you three pills telling
you to take one every half hour. How
many minutes would the pills last?
3. How many birthdays does the average
man have?

Answers: Later in this Newsletter

Tuning In
Before The Original Dixieland Jazz
Band (excerpted from Bill Fuller’s
Earlyjas Rag column)
Jazz music didn’t start in 1917 with the recordings of the Original Dixieland Jazz Band. Some groups were playing the music in New Orleans and possibly other places well before the ODJB made their first record. This, of course, is music we’ll never hear. We’re not even sure what tunes they played. A Creole multi-instrumentalist from New Orleans, Jimmy Palao, left the Buddy Bolden Band in 1905 to play with the Imperial Jazz Band. He wrote some published tunes “Echoes of India” (1909) and “O You Sweet Rag” (1911). He joined bass player Bill Johnson in 1908 to create The Original Creole Orchestra. This group of Creole musicians, including clarinetist George Baquet and cornetist Freddie Keppard, toured parts of the US on the vaudeville circuit and was the band first responsible for the survival and promotion of New Orleans Jazz outside New Orleans. In 1915 the band was offered an opportunity to record for the Victor Talking Machine Company. It would have been the first ever jazz recording, but Keppard declined because he was afraid everyone would steal the band’s “stuff”. They did ultimately record a tune “Tack ‘em Down” for Victor, but it was never issued. Some of the tunes played by this band were probably much like the following tunes long associated with its star Freddie Keppard” – Messin’ Around, Here Comes The Hot Tamale Man, Stockyard Strut, High Fever, Salty Dog –
cannot be overstated.

Jazz Tales Of The Month
Court Reporter Keeping A Straight
Face
Taken from actual trial transcripts:
Attorney: What was the first thing your
husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Att: And why did that upset you?
Wit: My name is Susan

Att: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn’t know about it until the next
morning?
Wit: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Att: The youngest son, the 20 year old,
how old is he?
Wit: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

Att: So the date of conception (of the
baby) was August 8th?
Wit: Yes
Att: And what were you doing at the time?
Wit: Getting laid.

Att: She had 3 children, right?
Wit: Yes
Att: How many were boys?
Wit: None
Att: Were there any girls?
Wit: Your Honor. I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?

Seen & Heard At The Jazz Joint
Oldies But Goodies
1. A doctor held a stethoscope to a man’s
chest. The man asks, “Doc, how do I
stand?” The doctor replies, “That’s
what puzzles me.”
2. My wife and I went to a hotel where we
got a waterbed. My wife called it the
Dead Sea.
3. The doctor called Mrs. Cohen and said,
“Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back.
She said, “So did my arthritis.”
4. I’ve been in love with the same woman
for 49 years. If my wife finds out
she’ll kill me.
5. A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The
paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?”
He replied, “I make a living.”
6. We always hold hands. If I let her go
she shops.

One Liners
– I was invited to a party and was told
to dress to kill. Apparently a turban,
beard and a back pack wasn’t what they
had in mind.
– My friend just hired an Eastern
European cleaner. It took her 5 hours
to vacuum the house. Turns out she was
a Slovak.
– Birds of a feather flock together – and
then they crap on your car.
– He who hesitates is probably right.
– When you are dissatisfied and would
like to go back to your youth, think of
algebra.
– Some people try to turn back their
odometers. Not me, I want people to
know “why” I look this way. I’ve
travelled a long way and some roads
weren’t paved.

OLD IS WHEN
Always Remember
Children in grade one were asked to complete these well-known proverbs. Here’s their answers.
1. Don’t change horses until they stop
Running
2. Strike while the bug is close
3. Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty
4. You can lead a horse to water but How?
5. You can’t teach an old dog new math
6. Then pen is mightier than the pigs
7. A penny saved is not much
8. There is none so blind as Stevie
Wonder
9. If at first you don’t succeed get new
batteries.
10.A bird in the hand is going to poop on
you

How To Maitain Your Sanity
– Sit in your parked car with sunglasses
on and point a hair dryer at passing
cars.
– Everytime someone asks you to do
something , ask if they want fries
with that.
– In the memo field of all your cheques
write “For Smuggling diamonds.”
– Don’t use any punctuation
– Order a diet water whenever you go out
to eat
– Specify that your drive-thru order is
“To Go”
– Five days in advance tell your friends
you can’t attend their party because
you’re not in the mood
– When the money comes out of the ATM
machine scream “I won! I won!”
– Tell your children over dinner “Due to
the economy we’re going to have to let
one of you go.”

Jazz News From Out And About
Festivals Ending and Changing
Orange County Classic Jazz Festival
Held their last festival in southern California after 12 years of producing first class events. Attendance has fallen, hotel accommodations were down, sponsorship money was shrinking and festival costs remained the same or increased. The directors decided they could not run the risk of losing money so the decision was made to end the festival. While we never attended this festival it was said to be one of the best. Another one gone!

Sacramento Jazz Festival in northern California is changing its name from The Sacramento Jazz Festival to the Sacramento Music Festival to honour the music of the past and “to celebrate newer musical trends as well.”  UGH!

Earlyjas Fall Festival in Strongsville, Ohi o, a festival attended for many years by numerous Lanc fans and other Canadian fans is discontinued after the 2011 festival. The main reason stated is the aging of the current board, as well as the health of some board members, and the lack of any young people to follow in their footsteps. The festival has been going for 25 years and will be sadly missed. Thank you Earlyjas Club for a job well done!

Now Good News-We Hope
The Toledo Jazz Festival is being planned for September, 2012 by Ragtime Rick Grafing, leader of The Chefs of Dixieland and pianist for The Cakewalkin’ Jazz Band, both out of Toledo. Rick has indicated that he has been given full co-operation from the Earlyjas festival committee to share everything he needs – records, fan listings, finances, preparation needs, etc. – to run a new festival. He has already secured a down town Toledo hotel and an accountant to assist him. He is working on lining up bands and other necessary commitments. We assured him that the Canadian contingent would do all we can to support him. We’ll keep you posted.

21st Suncoast Dixieland Jazz Classic
Fans who attended the 21st festival in Clearwater, FL would surely notice that things are changing. While we can’t help but enjoy a great time at this festival, the original reason for attending – “the music” – is slowly changing. Of the 20 bands or groups that performed probably only 6 or 7 could be classified as Dixieland. And while each fan sees or hears the music differently, one could not help but overhear many fans mumbling as they left some performances “It sure wasn’t Dixieland”! Another obvious indication of the change in music direction is the word Dixieland will apparently be dropped from the festival heading next year. Hopefully this is all good. The High Sierra JB from California presented their stellar array of music throughout. Louis Ford and his New Orleans Flair from the crescent city played great Dixieland music to that wonderful New Orleans beat.

The Kelly/Scott (The Lanc 2011) Quintet displayed all of their talents and JB had a lot of fun with the Canadians sliding the line “O Canada” into several of his songs. Crazy Eddie Graham was great as was Barbary Coast. Cornet Chop Suey and Wally’ Warehouse Waifs offered up their
usual strong presentations but are seemingly becoming more like show bands than down-to=earth loose musicians. Dave Bennet and his All Stars played some superb music but Dave is more fun to enjoy when he plays with a band. Tom Rigney and Flambeau, while superbly entertaining on his violin, were the most diabolically opposite music to OKOM. All in all it was another fun festival with superb weather and many fine friends. Numerous Lanc fans were in attendance including Mike & Nancy Du Boulay and Mary, Ed Shaniawski (who had the misfortune of having his car rear ended and totaled in FL), Jerri Sims, Doug & Jutta Dickenson, Dinny & Dorine Dinsdale, Auriel Halliday & Don Evans, Bob & Marie Reid, Marianne Blair & Gary, George & Judy Earl, Wolfgang & Liz Weber, Bruce White & Glee Walker, Betty Blythe & Betty Dougherty, Wayne & Nancy Pauli plus Jack Mikulski from Buffalo and Peter Turner from Ottawa. We’re booked for next year.

Jazz Quiz – Answer
1. 9
2. 60 minutes. Start with the 1st pill, 30
minutes later take the 2nd, then 30
minutes later take the 3rd
3. Just one

JAZZ CALENDAR

September ?? 2012
The Toledo Jazz Festival (replacing Earlyjas, Strongsville, OH)

Brian Dinsdale Web Site
dinnyandtheallstars.com

Lanc Web Site
www.lancjazz.com

Grand International Festival

http://alexbayjazz.wordpress.com

___

NEWS FROM THE LANC — FALL 2011 Newsletter

Thank You Mike Kelly!

In 1991 when Mike Kelly purchased The Lanc Saturday jazz was already a fixture and Mike continued that tradition in the 20 years that followed. In the late 90’s, however, things changed and Mike experienced several “not so good” jazz years, to the point where he decided he had done enough and planned to cancel jazz in 2000. My wife Nancy, and I, were asked if we might be able to find a formula to try to keep jazz going, rather than cancel it, and we said we’d try. Needless to say jazz is still alive and well. However, if it hadn’t been for Mike Kelly’s support – letting us establish a jazz club under the name of his establishment, generously paying the expenses every week and supporting special event days such as Can-Am Day, Swing Rosie, Paul Asaro, etc. and providing the best jazz room in Canada for 30 plus gigs every year, along with the friendliest wait staff anywhere – jazz at The Lanc would be gone. Thank you Mike for helping us save jazz. Thank you for your unending support. Best wishes in your new endeavors. Visit us often on Saturdays, but most of all Keep Jazzin’ and try to hit ‘em straight.

Wayne & Nancy

The Red Hot Ramble – Sept 10

The 33 rd year of continuous jazz at The Lanc opened on a high note with Glenn Anderson, Roberta Hunt and the rest of The Ramble setting the tone. Making the traditional opening day entrance, piped in by Mike Du Boulay, the rest of the band, Jack Zorawski, bass, Alison Young , reeds, Andrej Saradin, trumpet and newcomer Jamie Stager, trombone, made their way to the stage and joined Mike in a short rendition of Scotland The Brave. Only at The Lanc! Jamie, by the way is not really a newcomer. He just hasn’t been back to The Lanc for over 20 years. On the date, almost to the day, that Mike purchased The Lanc, he has now sold it and Jamie is making a re-appearance as a musician, joined by his mother Pat, from whom Mike purchased The Lanc. In fact, Jamie used to sit at the bottom of the steps and collect the entrance fee. Small world or what! The Ramble played their usual stellar set of tunes, some of which vary from many of the traditional jazz tunes, but were received with great enthusiasm based on the many positive comments from numerous fans. Songs like King Size Poppa, Cold Duck Time, Sweet Grass, Watermelon Man are not on most bands tune lists. Of course Roberta, with her raunchy vamp solos on many of the songs, delighted fans throughout the day. A fantastic opening day had the music and fans hopping again.

Dinny & The All Stars – Sep 17

With a full lineup of 8 musicians – Adam Saunders, keyboard, Mick Lewis and Jimmy Purdie , clarinets and sax, Jack King, banjo, Tom Cummings, drums, Jack Zorawski, bass and Manfred Koch , trombone, Dinny kicked off week 2 in fine style. Swing Dat Music was followed by After You’ve Gone, in recognition of Mike Kelly’s sale of The Lanc, and then a very fine version of Pete Kelly’s Blues (Mike’s brother?). Several other songs during the afternoon included Algiers Strut, Please Don’t Talk About Me, Young At Heart, for Vera, When Your Hair Has Turned To Silver, for most of the  fans in the room, Panama and more. During the afternoon Dinny donated one of his trumpets to Manfred Koch who, along with his wife Teresa, continue to do work for troubled Haiti, this time gathering musical instruments for musicians in Haiti. Fans demonstrated another great supportive day for the new Lanc owner Chris Corrigan.

The Hot 5 Jazzmakers – Sep 24

While a number of Lanc fans attended the jazz festival in Strongsville, OH, Brian Towers and his band played another excellent collection of tunes for those fans in attendance who responded at the gig’s end with a standing ovation. A slight adjustment to the lineup was necessitated by Andrej ’s requirement to depart early, but the remaining musicians more than picked up the pace. A strong afternoon of songs included Creole Jazz, Ace In The Hole, Moose March, Buddy’s Habit, I’m Coming Virginia in set one, and Shaking The Blues Away, Kansas City Kitty, Too Busy, After You’ve Gone, Darkness On The Delta plus many more. The Hot 5 has turned out to be a very fine addition to The Lanc lineup now that they are available on numerous Saturdays.

Ragweed Jazz Band – Oct 1st

With new Lanc owner Chris Corrigan in attendance for the first time, The Ragweed JB brought their A-Game and the paint was peeling off the walls. As stated earlier, Chris welcomed the fans, thanked them for their support and detailed future plans for The Lanc – which includes the continuation of “live jazz” Saturday afternoon. The crowd’s response to this was deafening! Leader Bob Welbourn , bass, Jamie MacPherson , banjo, Manfred Koch , trombone, and now a permanent member of the band, Brian Graville, trumpet, Pete McCormick, drums and 82 year old Jimmie Purdie , reeds, were hitting on all cylinders. Songs ranged from Way Down Yonder in NO, Hindustan, My Gal Sal, Breeze, If I Had You, Someday Sweetheart to Jimmie’s humorously repetitive Nobody’s Sweetheart Now. Dinny Dinsdale joined in with his favourite tune, Panama, plus When My Dreamboat Comes Home. After a lively parasol parade the band finished with Hey Good Lookin’ and Georgia. Thanks Ragweed for a super day. Bob Reid won the 50/50. Wolf Weber won the NEW door prize – a gift voucher for dining at Hog Tails BarBQue. Nice way to start things, Chris and Shannon. Thanks.

JAZZ QUIZ

Some people go through their life with a surname that is also a common first name. ie: Ray Charles: The following musicians all fall into that category.

1. Big Band leader and trumpet star

2. Condon clarinetist famous for his

unique style

3. A New Orleans clarinetist who gained

fame during the 40’s revival

Answers: Later in this Newsletter

Tuning In

Willy Erik Peterson:

Most of you won’t know him. He was born in Richmond, VA, August 12, 1970. He died at age 40, March 13, 2011 of lymphoma cancer. He started to play trumpet at age 10, and played professionally in the Silverport Jazz Band and later led the No Inhibitions Jazz Band. Willy introduced a song to his band that was always played in the background at the end of each performance while he thanked the audience for listening and introduced each band member. The song is “Wrap Your Troubles In Dreams”. Little did he realize how prophetic the lyrics would be. “Your castles may tumble (that’s fate after all) Life’s really funny that way. No use to grumble, Smile as they fall, Weren’t you king for a day?” Indeed, how prophetic in the crazy world we live in today. Take the time to “Smile”.

Pass It On

The following is excerpted from an article written by Dave Tatrow, leader of Wally’s Warehouse Waifs (The Lanc 2008 & 2009) for the Suncoast Jazz Club, Clearwater, FL. Pass it on: American music composed in the first half of the 20 th century was some of the best music ever written. From Ragtime, Dixieland, Swing, Big Band and everything in between the music has left a lasting impression on listeners and musicians alike. Many consider this type of music to be America’s only original art form and a true treasure. Avid fans refer to it as “our kind of music” (OKOM). Now we find ourselves with ever-dwindling venues in a world surrounded by musical chaos and nonsense. There seems to be a sense of doom. We’re losing musicians and fans at an ever increasing rate. While the future sometimes looks dismal, there is some hope for sustaining our music. During my 30 years on the traditional jazz circuit, I’ve observed many talented young musicians grow up and take their rightful place on the music scene. Many of them came from youth bands sponsored by jazz societies and festivals. The importance of these contributions to young musicians cannot be overstated. Many young people have approached me at festivals and said they remember the festival bands performing at their school. They gained an appreciation for jazz and good music. We now see more young fans at festivals to listen and dance. Now some of these young adults are bringing their kids to hear our music. I know, that without an audience there’s no need for musicians. So what can we do? Well, try inviting a friend or family member to a concert to hear our music.

Bring a kid and introduce them to the musicians. Nourish even the slightest interest – share recordings, share your knowledge of its history. You’ll be surprised to see that once they hear OKOM people usually find they like it. Not all will be converted, but some will. Think about this! Not long ago a grandfather gave his grandson a clarinet and a Benny Goodman recording to listen to. The kid obviously like what he heard. His name is Dave Bennett (The Lanc 2008 & 2009) and you all know the rest of the story. To the fans and musicians alike, I say this – before we pass on, let’s make sure that WE PASS IT ON!    Dave Tatrow

Jazz Tales Of The Month

In A Vacuum

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

I Can See Clearly

Two blondes were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?” The other blonde turns and says, “Helloooo, can you see Florida?”

Harmful Food

A doctor addressing a large Tampa audience said, “The things we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us years ago. Red meat is awful, soft drinks corrode your stomach, Chinese food loaded with MSG, fat diets are dangerous as are germs in drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we have all eaten it or will eat it. Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?” Shortly a 75 year old man in the front row raised his hand and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”

Seen & Heard At The Jazz Joint

Children Writing About The Ocean

1. This is a picture of an octopus. It

has 8 testicles.

2. Oyster balls are called pearls.

3. If you are surrounded by ocean you are

on an island. If you don’t have ocean

all around you, you are incontinent.

4. My uncle goes out in his boat with two

other men and a woman with pots and

comes back with crabs.

5. When ships had sails they used trade

winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes

when the wind didn’t blow sailors

would whistle to make the wind come.

My brother said they would be better

off eating beans.

6. The ocean is made up of water and

fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t

know.

Oldies From The Catskills

– A beautiful young woman kept knocking

at my hotel room door all night. I

finally had to let her out.

– I just got back from a pleasure trip. I

took my mother-in-law to the airport.

– The doctor gave a man six months to

live. The man couldn’t pay his bill so

the doctor gave him another six months.

– Patient: “I have a ringing in my ears.”

Doctor: “Don’t answer.”

– A drunk was in front of a judge. The

judge said, “You’ve been brought here

for drinking.” The drunk says, “OK,

let’s get started.”

– A bum asked a Jewish fellow for $10.

until payday. The Jewish fellow asked,

“When’s payday?” The bum said, “I don’t

know! You’re the one who’s working.”

OLD IS WHEN

Seniors Texting Code (STC)

ATD: At The Doctor’s

BFF: Best Friend’s Funeral

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHAO: Is My Hearing Aid On

LOL: Living On Lipitor

WTP: Where’s The Prunes

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

GGLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

Some Things It Took Me Over 50 Years

To Learn By Dave Barry

1. Never take a sleeping pill and a

laxative on the same night.

2. If you had one word to identify the

reason why the human race has not

achieved its full potential, that word

would be “meetings.”

3. There is a very fine line between

“hobby” and “mental illness”.

4. You should not confuse your career

with your life.

5. Nobody cares if you can’t dance

well. Just get up and dance.

6. Never Lick a steak knife.

7. There comes a time when you should

stop expecting other people to make a

big deal about your birthday. That

time is age eleven.

8. A person who is nice to you, but rude

to a waiter is not a nice person.

(This is very important. Pay

attention. It never fails.)

9. Never be afraid to try something new.

Remember, that a lone amateur built

the Ark. A large group of

professionals built the Titanic.

10.You will never find anybody who can give you a clear reason why we observe daylight saving time.

Jazz News From Out And About

Twin Tiers Jazz Festival – Elmira, NY

The sun shone, the music played and the beer flowed on August 20 th for the 6 th annual Michelob jazz festival in downtown Elmira, NY. With the stage set up on the street facing Wisner Park, hundreds of fans sat in folding chairs, on park benches or on the lawn to hear four hot bands repeat last year’s great performance. Ted Howe and The Nickel City Clippers and The Morgan Street Stompers, both from Buffalo led things off with two solid sets of music. Host band Joe Cavallaro’s Dixieland Jazz Band then really got everyone’s attention with their hot hard driving set followed by Lanc regular and Canadian stalwart Dinny & The All Stars. Dinny, of course, represented the Canadian contingent very well with his solid playing and never ending wit. While the music was great, and the key ingredient of the day, the hospitality shown to us Canadians by our American friends was unforgettable. What a wonderful group of people running this festival. We even had a free ride on the fastest carousel in the world (me on an “up-and-down” stallion). Dinner at Bernie Murrays on Saturday night topped everything off. Joining Dinny was his wife Do, and also attending from The Lanc were George & Judy Earl and yours truly with wife Nancy. A great time in a great town!

Earlyjas Festival, Strongsville, OH

Sep 23-25

As is always the case, the Earlyjas Society once again presented an outstanding weekend of great music, good fun and wonderful people. The very fine Bob Schulz Frisco Jazz Band from San Francisco continued their great music tradition of continuing the music of Bob Scobey, Clancy Hayes and Turk Murphy. Many of you have enjoyed this band on Jazzsea Cruises. The Wolverine Jazz Band of Boston gets stronger each time we see

Jazz Quiz – Answer

1. Harry James

2. Charles “Pee Wee” Russell

3. George Lewis

them as they gain more festival experience. The St. Louis Stompers led by trumpeter Steve Lilley with arrangements by pianist Dave Majchrzak (music director of Scott Joplin Festival) continue to please with their high energy Chicago and New Orleans style of tunes. The West End Jazz Band from Chicago and the local Northside Jazz Band rounded out another fine lineup of music. Numerous Lanc fans attended the festival again, setting up their usual “Canadian contingent” spot in the bar. Always a fun time and apparently another success. Hurrah!

The Firehouse 5 Plus 2

– by Bob Webb, VP Buffalo Jazz Society

-excerpted from the 4-Bar Tag

The Firehouse 5 Plus 2 was formed in the late 1940’s by seven Walt Disney staff members. One of the seven musicians was Ward Kimball, one of Disney’s artists and animators who helped establish Walt Disney as the king of cartoons. This in-house group decided they needed some fun so trad jazz was played during lunch and house parties. Soon they were playing around Hollywood and TV beckoned and they appeared on the Ed Sullivan and Milton Berle shows. They were a happy band. A few serious musicians mocked their show boating, – hokum and clowning but they continued to attract 1000’s of new fans to Dixieland music. They made 12 CDs with their music tastefully accompanied by sirens, whistles, cowbells and whatever they could use. (Bob writes: My uncle had a senior position at Disney and one time in California he took Bob to meet Ward Kimball. He says he was a wild man. He collected fire trucks – hence the band name – and had a real steam locomotive and tracks at his home.)

Thanks Bob

Brian Dinsdale Web Site

dinnyandtheallstars.com

Lanc Web Site

www.lancjazz.com

Grand International Festival

http://alexbayjazz.wordpress.com/

JAZZ CALENDAR

May 25-27, 2012

The Grand International Ragtime-

Jasstime Festival, Bonnie Castle Resort, Alexandria Bay, NY

Jeff Barnhart, Anne Barnhart,

Ivory & Gold, “Professor” Don Burns, Jon Seiger, Gabriel Bourque,

Ragtime Rick, The Morgan Street Stompers, The Chefs of Dixieland,

The Magnolia Rhythm Kings

(See Wayne & Nancy for festival info

____________

NEWS FROM THE LANC — SUMMER 2011 NEWSLETTER

The Hot 5 Jazzmakers-Feb 26

Trying to put 7 into 5, or vice versa, doesn’t compute very well – .7 or 1.4 – but it surely adds up to awesome music. The “always well prepared” leader, Brian Towers (he even provides this writer with a song list of the tunes he plans to play) led Andrej Saradin , trumpet & cornet, Bill Stewart , banjo & guitar, Gary Scrivens , drums & washboard, Bryan Day , bass, Janet Shaw, all the reeds and the incomparable Reide Kaiser , piano, trough another fun day of jazz for a very receptive audience. And, except for Coney Island Washboard, all tunes were different from their last appearance. The band started with Basin St. Blues, Peoria, I’m Blue Every Monday, Jan on vocal, a hurtin’ Cryin Time by Ray Charles sung by Bryan to a lot of hurtin’ fans – Boo Hoo!, a great Washboard Wiggle, Whistling Rufus for the ragtime fans, and In The Garden with Jan leading the entire Lanc choir. Set two included one of the several Fats Waller songs played today, I’ve Got A Feeling I’m Falling, the above mentioned C.I. Washboard, Jerome Kearns Can’t Help Falling In Love With You, a fine St. Phillips St. Breakdown by Jan on clarinet and Mound City Blues with Andrej playing the comb and his mini trombone kazoo. More Fats Waller in set three included Let’s Pretend There’s A Moon, All Steamed Up with Nancy #3 on spoons, The Old Rugged Cross, Until The Real Thing Comes Along and a New Orleans second liner parade song with the band front line leading the umbrellas around the room.

As Betty B., said, “It reminds me of the old days at Fritzels in New Orleans.” It don’t get much better. Bruce Popplow won the Lanc voucher and Tom Seibert the 50/50.

Silverleaf Jazz Band – March 12

Even though the celebrating of Mardi Gras was four days after Shrove Tuesday, the official Mardi Gras day, it didn’t lessen the spirits of the band and the many fans who came to celebrate. Jack King, Manfred Koch, Joe Van Rossem, Colin Bray, Gary Scrivens, Brian Graville and Roberta Hunt played the Silverleaf through another afternoon of authentic sounding early jazz tunes. They included Milenburg Blues, Savoy Blues, Birth Of The Blues, Basin St. Blues, Sobbin’ Blues, but the day was far from blue. It was fun!! Roberta sang the vocals for Some Of These Days and Careless Love. Brian on clarinet backed up by the back line played a fine St. Phillips St. Breakdown. Joe even played the slide whistle a’ la Louis.

Nancy’s birthday present was the band asking her to come on stage and play her

spoons to Sweet Georgia Brown. The final song The Buckets Got A Hole In It – and we can’t get no more beer – seemed to be a fitting ending to another fun afternoon. Rob de Boyrie won The Lanc voucher. Isabella Horvath won a bottle of wine donated by Lanc proprietor Mike Kelly and Steve from Oakville won the 50/50 draw.

The Red Hot Ramble – March 19

The day started out with several fans wondering about a new band on stage that did not include a trumpet or cornet player, albeit it did have two of the prettiest musicians to ever play at The Lanc – but, after the rollicking , high powered sets of New Orleans style music, the third set featured one of the finest trumpet players in all of Canada, Ray Podhornick . What a day! In fact, one fan called it an event. Playing in front of the largest crowd of the season it was yet another ground breaking happening at The Lanc – Glenn Anderson on drums, teamed up with the talented effervescent Roberta Hunt on piano and took The Lanc on a not-soon-to-be-forgotten musical ride. Steady as a rock Jack Zorawski on bass and trombone phenomenon Rob Somerville, but it was the young (28?) Alison Young on alto and baritone sax that raised the bar for music at The Lanc. Her effortless style of hitting indescribable notes and riffs all day had fans in awe. It was an afternoon like no other. With a tune list mainly set from New Orleans The Ramble provided many interpretations of old standards but also showcased several old blisters – King Size Poppa, Cold Duck Time, Muskat Ramble with a calypso beat, I Want Some Sugar In My Bones, Them There Eyes in a New Orleans style beat, a New Orleansy Mardi Gras, New Orleans and more. Alison played The Rakes of Mallow on the tin whistle, and Roberta’s solos in her raunchy old time mama style included Mama’s Gone Goodbye, and a hot Caledonia, while Rob offered up a touching Danny Boy for St. Paddy’s fans. When Ray joined the band in the third set the lid definitely came off as he smoothly, powerfully slid into Dr. Jazz, Some Of These Days and Careless Love on which he, Rob and Alison out-soloed each other. You’ll go a long way to find better “stuff”. After playing one encore song fans rushed to the musicians like the old days to offer their thanks and congratulations for such a superb event. One fan said to us, “How are you going to top that?” The answer – all we can do is try! Bob Lane won The Lanc voucher and Gail Mitchell & Mavis Kennery the 50/50.

Footnote: Roberta’s Dad, Charlie, came all the way from Cobourg to hear Roberta play after she continually told him what a great place The Lanc is to play in – “The Lanc and the crowd is a favourite because everyone comes to hear the music, is so appreciative of talent, and is so welcoming and friendly” – Roberta’s words.

The Hot 5 Jazzmakers – March 26

Bringing a song list that included several obscure tunes that many fans had never heard, but presented in the precise musical style that only The Hot 5 can do, Brian Towers and the band kept fans in an upbeat, happy state all afternoon. Kicking things off with a rousing Irving Berlin tune, Alexander’s Ragtime Band, they quickly morphed into The Old Account Settled Long Ago, a 1902 song, Janet Shaw doing the vocal with Lanc audience participation. Sharing the stage with Brian and Jan were Reide Kaiser on piano, Jamie MacPherson , banjo, Bryan Day , string bass, Andre Saradin, trumpet and flugelhorn, and Gary Scrivens , drums and washboard. A beautiful version of Deep Purple was followed by Brown Skin Mama, a rousing 20’s tune, a “hot” I Wanna Be Happy, featuring Jamie on banjo and Gary on washboard, Hard Hearted Hannah with vocal by Brian and Angry by Bryan Day, the latter two songs hearkening back to their early days with The Sensation Jazz Band – speaking of which many fans went home happy with an LP recording of The Sensation J.B. – for free! Apparently Bryan was cleaning out his basement. Set two included King Oliver’s Working Man Blues, The Biltmore, a 20’s dance that never caught on, but a fine tune, Frog-i-More, Open Your Eyes That You May See, There’s A Shine On My Shoes, Magic In The Moonlight and Buddy Bolden’s Get Out Of Here and Go On Home. (Ed Note: told you there were several obscure tunes) Jelly Roll Morten’s Dr. Jazz, Good Night Angel, Sweet Emmelina, You’ve Been A Good Old Wagon and After You’ve Gone rounded out set 3. The Hot 5 is definitely on the list of bands to have back next season. Marg McFarlane won The Lanc voucher and Ken Hatt the 50/50.

The Magnolia Rhythm Kings – April 2

After arriving at The Lanc in various stages – some band members drove part way on Friday and stayed with friends or family, while some drove directly – The Magnolia Rhythm Kings treated The Lanc to another afternoon of familiar, not-so-familiar, and not-often-heard songs. With leader Bob Misener on keyboard and banjo, Don Paterson, trumpet, Don Cummings, clarinet, Art Langley , bass and tuba, Dave Arthur, trombone and Glenn Robb, drums, the band opened with a lively version of Whoopin’ Blues right on the stroke of 4:00. Several of the familiar tunes included sing-a-long styles like Wedding Bells, Minnie The Moocher, Baby Won’t You Please Come Home, Wrap Your Troubles In Dreams. Other great standards were Fidgety Feet, Cornet Chop Suey, Basin St. Blues, Savoy Blues, Sweet Georgia Brown, Some Of These Days and a fine Caravan. Tunes that aren’t heard, certainly at The Lanc included Send Me Jackson, Is It You, There Ain’t No Land Like Dixieland, Buzzard Luck, Ol’Miss, the marching song for MSU, and Hey Stop Kissin’ My Sister. Intermixed was some Louis Jordan, Is You Or Is you Ain’t My Baby and Buena Sera with Dinny Dinsdale joining in on trumpet. Hoagy Carmichael’s Riverboat Shuffle, Fats Waller’s The Joint Is Jumpin’, Minnie The Mooch was vocalized by Dave Arthur and The Lanc choir, Baby Won’t You Please Come Home with Jack King joining on banjo, and a rousing Saints Boogie with numerous second liners to close things off. The Magnolia always brings a little something different from their vast repertoire,

. Lois Lanktree won The Lanc voucher. Lilliam Emberson a UK Jazz CD donated by Tony Desmond and a “younger” fan from London won the 50/50 promising to return to the best jazz joint in Canada.

April 9 & 16

A trip to Cuba prevented the writer from attending these two gigs featuring Dinny & The All Stars and The Ragweed Jazz Band.

The Red Hot Ramble – April 23

A fast trip from Toronto airport got us to The Lanc in time for The Ramble but not in any shape to write notes. We just listened. They were Awesome.

Jon Seiger & The All Stars – April 30

For the last 7 years Jon has brought his guys from Rochester, NY – Lynn Eberhardt, bass and tuba, George Pierce, reeds, Floyd “Herk” Hughes , trombone and banjo, – and augmented with some fine Canadian talent – Jordan Klapman , key board and newly discovered terrific drummer, Tom Cummings , making his first Lanc visit. And what a powerful afternoon of lively entertainment it was – from the beginning song Bucket’s Got A Hole In It to the closing Show Me The Way To Go Home. One thing about Jon – you get 110% from him every time he’s on stage. Set one was a fine balance of tunes to get everyone’s attention – Back-O-Town-Blues, Lady Be Good, Bye Bye Blackbird, Down By The Riverside, Avalon, Basin St. Blues, Jada (or Sally or Shirley), When You Wish Upon A Star and a rousing fan participation Caledonia. After Jon “ loosened up” with a few more rum and cokes he slid into the second set with Just A Closer Walk With Thee, April Showers, All Of Me, two tunes featuring Mike Du Boublay on the bagpipes, Dinny Dinsdale joining in with his trumpet for Fidgety Feet, Jon standing on his head against the wall while playing trumpet and ending with Please Don’t Talk About Me When I’m Gone. Even the younger non-trad jazz fans were shaking their heads in awe and enjoying it all. Set three included Tain’t

What You Do, Satin Doll, Sunny Side Of The Street, Crush On You, St. Louis Blues, again with Dinny, Old Rockin’ Chair with Jon singing Louis and Jordan singing Jack Teagarden, and The Saints with the second liners parading. Jon’ s final tune was What A Wonderful World, a fitting ending to another wonderful visit by our friend Jon Seiger. He’s back next year March 31, 2012.

Janet Munro won the 50/50 and Jerry Tuttleman The Lanc voucher.

Lisa Kelly & JB Scott – May 7

Joining the Canadian contingent of Peter Turner, from Ottawa on trombone, Jack Zorawfski, bass, Peter Hill , piano and Glenn Anderson , drums, Lisa and JB from Jacksonville, FL played as if they’d always been together. JB ’s superb trumpet and Lisa ’s outstanding vocals (they are very busy award winning musicians in Florida) they once again brought something new and extremely entertaining to The Lanc. After opening with Shine and You Took Advantage Of Me, Lisa joined

them with superb vocals on What A Little

Moonlight Can Do and Ain’t Misbehavin’,  featuring some great scat singing, Somebody Loves Me, Lady Be Good featuring

JB and Peter , Stars Fall On Alabama and

Sweet Georgia Brown, the last two sung by Lisa , rounded out set one. Rosetta (JB

says he’ll learn the real words someday), Tin Roof Blues, Best Thing In Life, St. Louis Blues, Keepin’ Out Of Mischief Now, When You’re Smiling and Sunny Side Of The Street filled out set two – with the latter two songs featuring The Lanc choir ensemble. These guys really fit together and were having a lot of fun doing so. After visiting with fans, selling some CDs and having a libation the band took off in set three with S’Wonderful, Someday Sweetheart, Deed I Do, I Can’t Give You Anything But Love, I’ve Found A New Baby and Do You Know What It Means, with Lisa ’s vocals interspersed. This fine musical day ended with the second liners marching around the room with the band’s front line as they played The Saints. Another Lanc first to the biggest crowd of the season. When the 50/50 draw ticket was announced there were screams from the floor. Our waitress Michele who has been hoping to win for years was finally the winner. Coleen “Woelfe won The Lanc voucher.

Dinny & The All Stars – May 14

As the saying goes “All good things must come to an end” and indeed another “good” actually “great” season of jazz wound down today. To a full house the traditional season ended with Dinny and his boys sending fans home for the summer, anxious to get to Sept 10 th when it starts all over again. Glenn Anderson, drums, Jack Zorawski, bass, Bill Stewart, banjo and guitar and Adam Saunders, keyboard, created a stellar back line and drove the music all day. Dinny was joined on the front line by Manfred “Freddie” Koch, trombone, and Mick Lewis , clarinet. Throughout the afternoon Mike Du Boulay joined in with his bagpipes, the founder of jazz at The Lanc 33 years ago, Len Gosling, played a few tunes and Bob Emberson, Tom Thompson, Tibor Horvath, Mark Orrell, Dave Romagnoli and Barbara Jordan all joined in at various times to jam with the band. Dinny reminisced, listing all the musicians who had played with him this season. The season ended with the second liners following the front line around the room. John Snelgrove, Dan Rudow and Jerry Tuttleman each won a CD donated by JB Scott and Lisa Kelly. Barbara Carey won the UK Jazz CD donated by Tony Desmond and Ian Williams won the LJC fan draw for $100.00 donated by proprietor Mike Kelly. Thanks fans. Thanks musicians. Thanks Mike. See you next season.

JAZZ QUIZ

The following songs were either written or co-written by comedians. Can you name them?

1. Nancy With The Laughing Face

2. This Could Be The Start Of Something

Big.

3. Sam, You Made The Pants Too Long

Answers: Later in this Newsletter

Tuning In

The Top 12 Country Songs for 2007

12. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But

Mine

11. It’s Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night

That Chewed Your Ass All Day

10. If The Phone Don’t Ring You’ll Know

It’s Me

9. I Liked You Better Before I Got To

Know You So Well

8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s

Getting Better

7. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight

‘Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win’

6. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s

Honeymoon Tonight

5. I’m So Miserable Without You. It’s

Like You’re Still Here

4. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted

To, I’d Be Out Of Prison By Now

3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend

And I Sure Do Miss Him

2. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

– And The Number one Country Song is:

1. I Ain’t Never Gone To Bed With Ugly

Women But I’ve Sure Woke Up With A

Few

New York City Hot Spot For Jazz

Just west of Times Square in Manhattan, Sofia’s Restaurant on 46 th St. still provides a hot time on Monday or Tuesday nights with authentic jazz from the 20’s and 30’s performed by Vince Giordano and the Nighthawks. Descending the steep steps to Sofia’s Café Cache gives the feeling of entering a Prohibition speakeasy. A $15., cash only, music charge covers an evening of three sets of music. On any given night the band might include the likes of Jon-Eric Kelso, Jim Fryer or Randy Sandke among the 11 tuxedo-attired musicians on the bandstand. Giordano brings charts for 3,000 tunes to each session and will take regular requests. His collection includes 60,000 pieces of music, including 30,000 Big Band arrangements, 20,000 lead sheets and 10,000 silent movie ones, all of which he stores in 100 file cabinets in his Brooklyn home. He formed the Nighthawks in 1976 and he has been at Sofia’s for 3 years. Vince is passionate about the music saying, “These were the creators of jazz. Why not preserve and present their music the way we do Bach and Beethoven. If the music is not heard and played it will die. I’m sorry if I sound angry, but we can’t keep doing things the same old way. I want to see a renaissance of this good old music, especially for the kids.” Here! Here!

How True!

Can Jazz Be Saved?

-excerpted from a Wall Street Journal article written by Terry Teachout and Bill Fuller c/o Earlyjas

In 1987, Congress passed a joint resolution declaring jazz to be “a rare  and valuable treasure”. Nowadays the music of Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington and Miles Davis is taught in public schools, heard on TV commercials and performed at prestigious venues such as New York’s Lincoln Center. Here’s the catch: Nobody’s listening! No, it’s not quite that bad – but it’s no longer possible to pretend that the great American art form is healthy or that its future looks anything other than bleak. The following findings made jazz musicians sit up and take notice:

-in 2002, 10.8% of adult Americans attended at least one jazz performance. By 2008 the figure was 7.8%

-the audience is growing older-fast. The median age of adults who attended a live jazz performance in 2008 was 46. In 1982 it was 29.

What is interesting, however, is the median age of jazz audience is now comparable to the ages of classical music attendees (49 in 2008 vs 40 in 1982), Opera (48 in 2008 vs 43 in 1982), ballet (46 in 2008 vs 40 in 1982). In 1982, by contrast jazz fans were much younger than their high-culture counterparts. What does this mean? Well, among other things most Americans now see jazz as a form of high art. This should be no surprise since most jazz musicians feel much the same way. They regard themselves as artists, not entertainers, masters of a musical language that is comparable in seriousness to classical music. Jazz has changed greatly since the 30’s when Louis Armstrong was a musical genius, a pop star, a gravel-voiced crooner who sold truck loads of records to fans who knew nothing about jazz except Satchmo sang it and played it. In the early 50’s jazz was still a popular music to which ordinary people danced if they felt like

it. By the 60’s it had evolved into a challenging concert music whose complexities turned off many of the young folks who were falling for rock and soul. So today, because jazz is now viewed as a high-culture art form, its makers have to deal with the same problems of presentation, marketing and audiences as do symphony orchestras, drama companies and art museums. It appears to me that jazz musicians who want to keep their beautiful music alive have got to think hard about how to pitch it to young listeners – not next month, not next week, but right now.

Jazz Tales Of The Month

Ships That Pass In The Night

While those who contribute to church bulletins mean well, their meaning occasionally gets lost in their choice of words. ie:

– The cost of the “fasting conference”

includes meals.

– Mrs. Mason told the congregation she

would sing, “I Will Never Pass This Way

Again” Much to the obvious delight of

those who would soon hear her sing.

Wife vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep”, the wife replied, “in-laws.”

Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day – 30,000 to a man’s 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men.” The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

Actual Answers on Children’s Science

Exam

Q. Name the four seasons

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?

A. Keep it in the cow

Q. What are steroids?

A. Things for keeping carpets still on

the stairs

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches

puberty?

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and

looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with

cigarettes

A. Premature death

Q. What is a fibula?

A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?

A. Nearby

Q. Give the meaning of the term

‘Caesarean Section’

A. It’s a district in Rome

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?

A. Benign is what you will be after you

be eight

Seen & Heard At The Jazz Joint

If you feel a bit stupid check this out:

– “Smoking kills. If you’re killed you’ve

lost a very important part of your

life.”

Brooke Shields on becoming a

spokesperson for the federal anti-

smoking campaign.

– “Outside of the killings, Washington

has one of the lowest crime rates in

the country.”

Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

– “Half the game is ninety percent

mental”

Philadelphia Phillie manager, Danny

Ozurk

– “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the

environment. It’s the impurities in our

air and water that are doing it.”

Al Gore, Vice President

– “I love California. I practically grew

up in Phoenix”

Dan Quayle

– “Traditionally, most of Australia’s

imports come from overseas.”

Keppel Enderbery

One Liners

1. Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic

transvestite?

All he wanted to do was eat, drink and

be Mary.

2. Got an email today from a bored local

housewife who was looking for some hot

action! So I sent her my ironing.

That’ll keep her busy.

3. I’ve been charged with murder for

killing a man with sandpaper.

I only wanted to rough him up.

4. A lad comes home from school and

excitedly tells his das

d that he has a

part in the school play playing the

part of a man who had been married for

25 years.

The dad says, “Never mind, son, maybe

next year you’ll get a speaking part.”

5. The older you get the harder it is to

lose weight because by then your body

and your fat have been really good

friends.

6. Did you ever notice the Roman Numerals

for 40 are XL.

7. Did you ever notice when you put the

words “the” with “IRS” it spells

“Theirs”.

8. You know you’re getting older when

everything either dries up or leaks.

Think About It

1. Don’t take life too seriously. No one

gets out alive.

2. Beauty is in the eye of the beer

holder.

3. Consciousness: That annoying time

between naps.

4. Ever stop to think and forget to start

again?

5. Being ‘over the hill’ is much better

than being under it.

6. Procrastinate Now!

7. I have Degree in Liberal Arts: Do You

Want Fries With That?

8. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

9. The trouble with life is there’s no

background music.

OLD IS WHEN

More Things My Mother Taught Me

1. Appreciate a Job Well Done – “If

you’re going to kill each other, do it

outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. Time Travel – “If you don’t straighten

up I’m going to knock you into the

middle of next week.”

3. More Logic – “If you fall out of that

swing and break your neck, you’re not

going to the store with me.”

4. Foresight – “Make sure you wear clean

underwear in case you’re in an

accident.”

5. Contortionism – “Will you look at that

dirt on the back of your neck.”

6. The Circle of Life – “I brought you

into this world and I can take you

out.”

7. Weather – “This room of yours looks as

if a tornado went through it.”

8. ESP – “Put your sweater on. Don’t you

think I know when you’re cold.”

9. How To Become An Adult – “If you don’t

eat your vegetables you’ll never grow

up.”

Jazz News From Out And About

Why Not Attend A Festival

-excerpted from the Earlyjas Rag, written by Bill Parthe

One of the biggest fallacies of jazz festival attendance is that attendees go only for the music. That is certainly a major reason fans attend festivals, however, another very important reason that is often overlooked is the friendships that are made by people who go to festivals on a regular basis. You can’t help but meet new people and make new friends at a festival. Then you meet some new friends, or the same ones, at the next festival you attend. Those of us who go to festivals have developed friendships with many, many other fans, the friendship often being unique only to attending those festivals. It becomes a big “music family”. While Bill wrote this article to encourage people to attend and support their own Earlyjas Festival in September, since it is local, you don’t have to travel far, there’s less travel time, gas, rooms and meal expenses, etc., this writer would encourage fans to attend any festivals that look interesting and enticing. Festivals need every bit of support they can get so they can keep going. Many are falling by the wayside. On top of that, you’ll often hear bands you haven’t heard before that might cost you a fortune if they were not part of a festival. Try it – you’ll undoubtedly like it and be glad you attended.

The Grand International Festival

May 27-29

With 41 Lanc fans in attendance, The Grand International held its 37 th festival at The Bonnie Castle Resort in Alexandria Bay, NY – and what a fun weekend it was. From the traditional music of Rochester’s Smugtown Stompers, through the classic Dixieland stylings of Buffalo’s River Dogs, to the powerful driving music of Montreal’s Le Dixieband fans were treated to a fine variety of great music. Pianists included the irreplaceable “Professor” Don Burns making his 31 st appearance, Jack Hutton, whose knowledge and presentation of ragtime is legendary, the one and only Jon Seiger, whose musical talents continue to amaze,

Jordan Klapman who just gets better each performance, “Piano Man” Bill Westcott, whose incredible piano stylings mesmerized even the other musicians, and Dariusz Terefenko, whose seminar on the stylings of ‘Fats’ Waller was a festival highlight. Add to all this the vocal stylings of Elizabeth Klapman who joined husband Jordan, Jon Seiger and others throughout the weekend and we had music for everyone. A-Bay is surely one of the best rec-room parties around. As the closing strains of “We’ll Meet Again” were being sung at the end of the gospel service, fan’s emotions took over as everyone remembered the wonderful camaraderie and friendships that are rekindled each year in A-Bay. Next years festival is May 25-27. See you there.

The Hot Steamed Festival–June 24-26

With the steam trains chugging up and down the tracks adjacent to the festival site, sometimes with their whistles blowing in time to the music, Essex, CT was home once again to the 19 th HS Festival. A variety of great bands provided fans with a wide selection of jazz music. Local bands included The Galvanized Jazz Band with the incredible Bob Price on banjo, The Wolverine Jazz Band, The Riverboat Ramblers with muti-talented John Banker, plus Jeff Hughes Festival All Stars. Our own local favourite Jon Seiger was there with his All Stars including Jordan Klapman on piano and ‘Herk’ Hughes on trombone. Ben Maugers Vintage Jazz Band from Pennsylvania was another favourite. New York style music was offered by Dan Levinson and several other NYC musicians. Always a fun festival, low key, good people, beautiful area near Long Island  Sound and fine music. Add to this the incredible King of Boogie Woogie piano, Bob Seeley, and you know you have to go back next year.

Buffalo Jazz Picnic – July 10

The Queen City Jazz Society staged their annual picnic at DiTondos in “down scale” Buffalo once again and what a great event it was. With eleven ‘idiotic’, oops, Canadians from The Lanc in attendance it was certain to be an ‘across-the-border’ happening. Once again Joe Cavallaro’s Dixieland Jazz Band from Elmira, NY was the key musical element and to give you an idea of how powerful they were – after 5 tunes saxophonist Fran Morgan got up and asked if Joe knew any “ballads”. They were hot! Two year old Noah kept time on his invisible drums to every lick that Brad played on drums. Dinny Dinsdale and Mick Lewis joined in for several tunes and made the Canadian contingent proud. Owner Al’s two meals of everything – hot dogs, sausage, peppers, onions, clam broth, BBQ chicken, roast beef, pasta, salad, roasted potatoes, baked beans, cake, cannoli and watermelon left us absolutely stuffed. What a great time we had with our American friends. Kudos to Don Burns, Bev Milkuski and all of the QJSC Society for continuing this absolutely wonderful day of jazz and North American camaraderie. See you next year.

Jazz Quiz – Answer

1. Phil Silvers

2. Steve Allen

3. Milton Berle

Brian Dinsdale Web Site

dinnyandtheallstars.com

Lanc Web Site

www.lancjazz.com

Grand International Festival

http://alexbayjazz.wordpress.com/

JAZZ CALENDAR

Sep 23-25, 2011

Earlyjas Festival, Strongsville, Ohio

Wolverine JB, Bob Schultz’ Frisco JB, St. Louis Stompers, West End JB, Northside JB.

www.earlyjas.org Tel: 330-678-5903 email:[email protected]

May 25-27, 2012

The New Grand International Ragtime-

Jasstime Festival, Bonnie Castle Resort, Alexandria Bay, NY –

Jeff Barnhart, Ivory & Gold, The Magnolia Rhythm Kings, “Professor” Don Burns, plus more

AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

LET’S ALL GO DOWN

TO THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

AND HAVE A PINT OR TWO

LET’S HAVE SOME FUN

AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

AND SING AWAY OUR BLUES

LET’S MEET NEW FRIENDS

AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

AND HEAR THAT DIXIELAND SWING

LET’S MAKE A DATE

AT THE FRIENDLIEST PLACE

DOWN AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

(by: Brian Dinsdale)

**************

Lancaster Jazz Club Newsletter: Spring 2011

NEWS FROM THE LANC

Dinny & The All Stars-Jan 8 th

With Dinny and the boys in the band driving out of a foot of snow and blustery streamers coming in off Lake Ontario making visibility a bit treacherous, in the fashion of all true jazzmen, they all made it to the balmy climes of Kitchener-Waterloo for the start of another season – 2011. Tibor & Isabella were also back – Tibor having undergone some medical difficulties in December – and Marion Fortin, she of the broken ankle in 4 places was also back to join a good sized appreciative crowd. Dinny’s 1 st set tunes included Swing Dat Music, this is becoming a signature tune with Dinny , St. Louis Blues, as Louis says “one of those good old ones”, Georgia Grind, Pete Kelly’s Blues, on which Dinny is becoming quite adept, Saturday Night Function (I think that’s what came out) in B flat, Sweethearts On Parade, and a completely out of control Please Don’t Talk About Me with all the guys in the band playing “something”. What fun. Only at The Lanc. The band included Mike Erb, drums, Jack Zorawski, bass, Adam Saunders, keyboard, Manfred Koch, trombone, Bill Stewart, banjo, Jimmy Purdie , reeds. After a break and getting to know each other they started the 2 nd set with Happy Birthday to Tibor. Songs in the second set included Savoy Blues, Chinatown, Ain’t Misbehavin’ with guest vocalist Kerry White from The Jazz Rascals and Sweet Sue, the latter tune on which she was joined by husband Ben on bass and vocal. One of the highlights of set 3 was a beautiful medley by the string section. Bill on banjo, Jack on bass and Mike switching to guitar from drums. Check The Lanc website to hear the beautiful medley. Dave Romagnoli, our closet trumpeter, who finally came out last year, joined the band and played a touching rendition of Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans. Well done Dave! Perdido, Yellow Dog Blues with lots of crowd participation – AooooH! and Dinah with Bob and Joey Stride having their annual dance, plus Tight Like That with a New Orleans street beat and 20 parasols parading finished the day. 2011 is off and running. Gloria Schuiling won The Lanc voucher and Pete Woolley from Burlington, who phoned to see if the weather was OK to come, won the 50/50. Good decision Pete!

Ragweed Jazz Band – Jan 22nd

Little did they realize, as they set up on stage and began playing yet another gig for The Lancaster Jazz Club, this day marked the 52 nd time The Ragweed has performed at The Lanc. A lot of music, a bundle of notes, a great deal of fun and enjoyment and, for sure, a whole lot of driving from Toronto, Ajax and beyond. Thank you guys for 11 years of outstanding music and support. Leader Bob Welbourn, bass, reedman Jimmy Purdie, Pete McCormick , as steady as ever on drums, Jim Nevins , trombone, Brian Graville on trumpet and Bill Stewart on banjo had things swinging. With the early part of set one used to warm up their instruments on this bitterly cold day, a fine Lanc crowd was treated to tunes such as Muskat Ramble, My Gal Sal, Imagination, My Blue Heaven with Brian doing vocal, Georgia Camp Meeting and Panama. After a libation break the band picked up the second set with Cheek To Cheek, Just A Closer Walk, Willie The Weeper plus Indiana and When My Dreamboat Comes Home with Dinny (Brian Dinsdale) joining in on trumpet and vocal. Hiawatha Rag, Confessin’, Dr. Jazz, St, Louis Blues plus others rounded out set 3. Fans were in a fun mood today listening to ‘hot jazz’ on a ‘cold day’. Nothing could be better. Jean Fraser won The Lanc voucher, Sandra Martin won the UK Jazz CD donated by Tony Desmond, and 2 nd time visitor Carol won the 50/50.

The Hot 5 Jazzmakers – Jan 29 th

When “numerically challenged” leader Brian Towers brought his seven piece Hot 5 Jazzmakers to The Lanc for their second gig of the season the word HOT has to be accentuated once again. The fans were again treated to a diverse selection of old and new, fast and slow, instrumentals and vocals and fun and serious tunes. Unlike many bands today who do not have the opportunity to perform together as a unit very often, it is evident that most of the members of this band play together a lot and it shows – evidenced by their classic intros, crisp endings and the way they feed off of each other during a song. (They are celebrating their 22 nd year of jazz at C’est What in Toronto.) Janet Shaw , reeds, Bryan Day, bass, Andre Saradin, trumpet, Jamie MacPherson , banjo, Reide Kaiser , piano and Gary Scriven on drums and washboard all came to play! They got things started with two tunes featuring Bryan on vocals, Fair and Square and Dream, then Janet singing Button Up Your Overcoat, interspersed with Harlem Rag, Thank You Pretty Mama and others. The second set featured Bryan again singing Brother Can You Spare A Dime (which netted him $.10 in Andrej’s tin hat), and Take Your Tomorrows. Of course old time Lanc fans still remember Bryan from the hey-day of The Sensation Jazz Band (Marie!). Brian Dinsdale of Dinny & The All Stars joined in and played an awesome trumpet on Snag It and did a fine vocal on I Used To Love You But It’s All Over. A swingin’ June Night ended the set. Set three featured a couple of nice dance songs, Spanish Eyes and You Do Something To Me, plus When I Leave The World Behind, You Brought A New Kind Of Love To Me, and Maryland, My Maryland with the front line parading around the room with several second liners. One cannot close this column without commenting on the amazing keyboard wizardly of Reide Kaiser on the old, white upright piano. He makes it sound like a Steinway. This band will be back!!! Jack Edwards from Amherstburg won The Lanc voucher and Marianne Blair the 50/50.

The Silverleaf Jazz Band-Feb 5

It started out as a beautiful sunny winter day and ended up with 8 inches of snow on the cars. As set one concluded many fans scurried to try to beat the storm, while the balance of us hung in, hoping we would be trapped in the bar. What a dreadful thought! With Roberta Hunt highlighting many of the tunes on the piano, leader Jack King and the boys gave fans yet another to-be-remembered day of old fashioned jazz. The stalwart front line of Brian Graville , clarinet, Manfred Koch , trombone and Joe (I forgot where I was) Van Rossem on trumpet leading the melodies, Gary Scriven , drums, Colin Bray , bass and Jack and Roberta provided a super rhythm section. Old favourites like Milenburg Joys, Georgia Camp Meeting, Careless Love, Struttin’ With Some BBQ, Postman’s Lament (when did you last hear that tune) and Yearning provided a solid first set as the snow came down. Muskrat Ramble, You Are My Sunshine, with a stunned Joe halting his vocal to listen to The Lanc audience sing, Shine, Ken Collier’s Going Home, and original leader Dennis Elder’s trademark Shake It & Break It and Hang It On The Wall, made up part of a second set. The band was really grooving! After the break the band offered up a fine final set with What A Wonderful World, Lily of The Valley (a Silverleaf trademark), Bunk Johnson’s 219 Blues, When Shadows Fall and a rousing Saints for their finale. Ed. Note: See Don Burns write up under Around and About with his comments about how blessed we are with the talented musicians we have. It was certainly true again today. Gloria Schuling won The Lanc voucher and Ken Hatt the 50/50.

Dinny & The All Stars – Feb 12

Valentine Day

Love was in the air! Dinny & the boys looked lovely, played lovely, loved their libations, and the fans loved them. With Valentine Red quite evident throughout the room, Dinny certainly did it again. The band today was truly a group of All Stars. Repeat reedman Paul Pacanowski on both clarinet and alto sax stretched the limit of his available notes. And newcomer, the very talented Mike Lawson , whose range on the trombone was incredible, mixed with his humour and stage antics, had even Dinny shaking his head. What a treat those two were! Plus, the great front line was backed by a superb rhythm section that kept things swingin’ all afternoon. Adam Saunders (I don’t understand the word ‘practise’) on keyboard, steady-as-a-rock Jack McFadden, string bass, Bill Stewart, who just gets better on banjo, and local talented drummer Mike Erb, who fits in better and better each time he plays, had the front line cookin’. After the band got everyone’s attention with a hot opening Swing That Music, they settled into several Valentine Day tunes – Rose Room, Around The World, Can’t We Be Friends, June Night, Sweethearts On Parade, and not so Valentiney, Black & Blue (for Charlie Sheen) and After You’ve Gone (again for Charlie Sheen). The first break saw The Ukelettes, a five gal group from London, sing and play their ukeleles to Sugar In The Morning and Ukelele Lady. A nice change of pace. The band also played Happy Birthday to Rob de Boyrie, one of our young fans who takes charge of our 50/50 sales each week. It was yet another typical jazz day of awesome music, and fun and craziness as only fans at The Lanc can provide. As Mike Lawson said, “May you live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.” Carl (What a country!) Noe won the Lanc voucher and Al Arnott the 50/50.

The Dixie Demons – Feb 19

Wow! Wow! Wow! The Dixie Demons and they played — well, like demons. Just ask Bobby or Tom, or Dan, or Mike, or — This tight knit group of highly trained, superbly skilled musicians had a packed house rising throughout for standing ovations. You won’t get much better music! With co-leaders Ross Wooldrige , clarinet, and Dan Douglas , trombone leading a first set that included Indiana, Panama, Way Down Yonder, I Found A New Baby and Avalon, the room was quickly turned into a happy foot-stomping frenzy. Fans kept arriving until 5:00pm. What a crowd, and nice to see all the chairs filled. Other musicians included Doug Burrell on tuba, and playing a tuba solo, Do You Know What It Means, fine trumpet player Brigham Phillips, who also played piano, as did Ross , and the injured Glenn Anderson doing a superb job on drums – you wouldn’t know he fell on ice and cracked a rib that morning. Thanks so much Glenn for hangin’ in there for us. After Dan slid in a tune called 3 Bad Girls, written for his 3 daughters, the band continued a hot second set with Muskat Ramble, Bye Bye Blackbird with Phil Disera doing a super job on the vocals and his ukulele, joined by The Lancaster choir, plus Demon Rag and Runnin’ Wild. A mind blowing start of Sunnyside Stomp – Dan says we should know it’s coming by now – Kansas City, New Orleans, I’m Confessin’, in tribute to Jeff Healey, Phil again on ukulele and singing When You’re Smiling, and finally Sheik of Araby at warp speed ended another one of our “best” days of music. I’ve got to stop using that phrase for each week’s band but they all seem to get better and better. The Lanc has certainly earned its label of “New Orleans North”. Dan Rudow won The Lanc voucher and Mary from Windsor, and the party table, the 50/50. What a fantastic day!

JAZZ QUIZ

Weapons often played a part in jazz. Can you identify the following …

1. What gun did Louis Armstrong fire that resulted in him being sent to the

Waifs Home?

2. What kind of weapon did Frankie use to Shoot Johnnie?

3. What was Turk Murphy going to use to Keep his “Evolution Mama” in line?

Answers: Later in this Newsletter

Tuning In

Katrina Aftermath in New Orleans

– from musician Tom Saunders

When I returned to New Orleans in February, 2010 to try to re-establish myself in the local music scene, like many musicians have in my age group, I was distressed by what had become of our live music industry here since Hurricane Katrina. Most of the bars and clubs in New Orleans stopped paying musicians a flat fee or salary for working. Now they let them collect tips and sell CDs and some give you a percentage of the drink sales. As a result of this there are now a lot of music clubs/bars with bands playing in them, many on Frenchman St. for tips. Now, any little bar can afford to have entertainment but musicians make less money as a result.

Bix’s Cornet

Eddie Condon was quoted as saying that the sound of Bix Beiderbecke’s cornet came out sounding like a girl saying “Yes!”

Tough Choices

Bob Draga, clarinetist extraordinaire, recently told his audience of the boy who informed his father that when he grew up he wanted to be a jazz musician. His father replied, “Sorry son, better make up your mind. You can’t do both.”

Stuff You Ought To Know

(edited from Don Burns and the 4-Bar Tag) Sometimes we jazz fans tend to take for granted the quality of musicians we have in the bands that perform for us at The Lanc, week after week, year after year. Just take a look at the credits of one musician who has played for us many times and WILL BE BACK APRIL 29 & 30.

Jon Seiger (Trumpet, Piano, Vocals) studied with Jimmy Giuffre, John McNeill, and trumpet great Roy Eldridge, is a graduate of the New England Conservatory of Music , and is one of very few performing deaf musicians. Jon has played with such notables as The Drifters, The Shirelles, Ella Fitzgerald, Doc Cheatham, Marty Napoleon, Joe Muranyi, Dick Katz, Chuck Folds, Maynard Ferguson, Billy Ekstine, Arvel Shaw, Panama Francis, Joe Williams, Bob Haggart, Oliver Jackson, Bobby Pratt, Johnny and Edgar Winter, Gap Mangione, Nancy Kelly, Jimmy Maxwell, Jimmy McPartland, Sammy Price, Dick Oakley, Ken Peplowski, Sol Yaged, Fred Raulston, Ed Polcer, Stephanie Nakasian , and many others. In 1988 he performed at Carnegie Hall with the Hi-Tops . Jon was the house bandleader at The King Cole Room at The St. Regis Hotel in New York City for 3 years. Although Jon is deaf, he swings with many bands including the All-Stars, the Metropolitan Stompers, the Hi-Tops , and the Rhythm Aces , and has played with several surviving members of Louis Armstrong’s band. Jon has performed in England, France, Holland, Germany, Switzerland, Poland, Belgium, Lichtenstein, and Spain. Jon performs several times a year in Argentina, Jamaica, Canada, and many other places in the United States and round the world. Yes, folks, we are truly blessed.

Jazz Tales Of The Month

Keeping Life at Zero

I just got off the phone with a friend in Flagstaff, AZ. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below zero and the freezing wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window. He says that if it gets much worse he may have to let her in.

It Only Happens Once

After several years of married life, the husband finds he is unable to perform. He goes to the doctor and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, “This is all in your mind,” and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink he confesses, “I am at a loss to how you could possibly be cured.” Finally he refers him to a witch doctor who says, “I can cure this.” He throws some powder on the flame and there is a flash of billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, “This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year. All you have to say is ‘1,2,3’ and it shall rise for as long as you wish.” The man then asks, “What happens when it’s over?” The witch doctor says, “All you or your partner has to say is ‘1,2,3,4’ and it will go down. But he warned, it will not work again for a year.” The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So he is lying in bed beside her and says ‘1,2,3’ and suddenly he gets an erection. His wife turns to him and says, “What did you say ‘1,2,3’ for?”

Mmm Good!

It was the end of the school year and the children in Mrs. Smiths Grade 2 class had all brought her a present. One by one they took their presents up to the front of the class and gave them to Mrs. Smith.

When Sally, whose father worked in the flower shop took up her present the teacher guessed, “I’ll bet it’s a bouquet of flowers.” Sally replied, “Yes it is.” When Jimmy, whose father worked in the candy store took his present up the teacher guessed, “I’ll bet it’s a box of chocolates.” Jimmy replies, “Yes it is.”

When it was Harry’s turn to go up, whose father worked in the liquor store, he was carrying a large box that was leaking a little bit of liquid. After he placed it on the teacher’s desk she put her finger in the liquid on the desk, tasted it, and asked “Is it wine?” “Oh No”, said Harry. She tasted it again and asked, “Is it scotch?” “No”, said Harry. “Well then what could it be?” asked Mrs. Smith. “It’s a puppy,” replied Harry.

Seen & Heard At The Jazz Joint

She was Soooo Blonde

1. She tripped over a cordless phone.

2. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate”

3. She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”

4. She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

5. She studied for a blood test.

6. She sold the car for gas money.

7. When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.

8. When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she

turned around and went home.

9. She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

10. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

It Could Happen To You

Did you hear about the Newfie who:

– tried to throw himself on the ground and missed

– took a roll of toilet paper for a crap game

– was so lazy he married a pregnant woman

– wouldn’t go out with his wife because she was married

– studied for five days to take a urine test

– thought a mushroom was a place to neck

– thought ‘No kidding’ was a form of birth control

Obscene

A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse asks him how he is feeling. “I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four letter words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered. “What did he say?” asked the nurse. “OOPS!”

Classy Ads

– Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35, Chicken or Beef $2.25, Children $2.00

– For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers

– Four poster bed: 101 years old.

perfect for antique lovers

– Dog for sale: Eats everything and

is fond of children

– Great Dames for sale

– Sheer stockings: Designed for fancy

dress. So serviceable that lots of

women wear nothing else

– Stock up and save. Limit one

OLD IS WHEN

George Carlin’s Aging

The only time we like to get old is when we’re kids. If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” “I’m 4 and a half.” You’re never thirty six and a half. You’re 4 and a half going on five. You get into your teens and they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number or a few ahead. “How old are you?” I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 13 but you’re gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life – you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. But then you turn 30. Oops, what happened here? Makes you sound like bad milk. He turned! – had to throw him out. What’s happened? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re pushing 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes. Before you know it you reach 50 and your dreams are gone. So you become 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50, and make it to 60. You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70. After that it’s a day-by-day thing, — you HIT Wednesday. You get into your 80’s and everyday is a complete cycle: you HIT lunch, you TURN 4:30, you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. In your 90’s you start going backwards. “I was JUST 92.” Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100 you become a kid again. “I’m 100 and a half.” May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half.

Things My Mother Taught Me

My Mother Taught Me

1. Religion – “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

2. Logic – “Because I said so, that’s why.”

3. Irony – “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

4. The Science of Osmosis – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

5. Stamina – “You’ll sit there until all those peas are gone.”

6. Hypocrisy – “If I’ve told you once I told you a million times.”

7. Anticipation – “Just wait until we get home.”

8. About Receiving – “You’re going to get it when you get home.”

9. Humour – “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

10. Genetics – “You’re just like your father.”

11. About My Roots – “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

12. Wisdom – “When you get to my age you’ll understand.”

13. Justice – “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

Jazz News From Out And About

Mardi Gras

(pronounced ‘mardigra’) “Mardi Gras season” and “Carnival season” in English refers to events of the Carnival celebrations beginning on, or after, Epiphany and picks up speed until midnight on Mardi Gras, the day before Ash Wednesday, when it ends – Which Tuesday will it be? Ash Wednesday is always the 46 days before Easter and Fat Tuesday (pancake day?) is always the day before Ash Wednesday. Easter can fall on any Sunday from March 23 to April 25 with the exact date to coincide with the first Sunday after the full moon following a Spring Equinox. Voila! Mardi Gras is French for “Fat Tuesday”, or in ethnic English tradition, Shrove Tuesday. It refers to the practice on the last night of eating rich, fatty foods before the ritual fasting of the Lenten season, which starts on Ash Wednesday. Popular practices were associated with celebrations before fasting and religious obligations associated with the penitential season of Lent. This included wearing masks and costumes, overturning social conventions, dancing, sports competitions, parades, etc. Many cities around the world celebrate Mardi Gras, the most famous of course being, New Orleans.

Hail to “The Professor”

“Professor” Don Burns, who many Lanc fans know from his several appearances at The Lancaster Jazz Club functions, and from his lengthy tenure at the Alexandria Bay Festivals since 1990, underwent serious bypass heart surgery in December 2010. Don entered the hospital prior to Christmas, had his difficult surgery and was released from his convalescing stint on January 22 nd . Don is not only one of the few remaining outstanding vaudeville piano entertainers, he is also President of The Queen City Jazz Society in Buffalo. Don’s tireless efforts in promoting jazz and ragtime music, not only in the Buffalo area, but everywhere he goes, are legend. Now that you have your ticker tuned up, Don, we all wish you many more years of enjoyment in your dedication to entertaining your fans and continuing the music you love.

President’s Message

Before “Professor” Burns entered hospital for the aforementioned medical problem, he wrote the following article for the Buffalo 4-Bar Tag, whose message can be transposed directly to The Lancaster Jazz Club (slightly edited). As we roar into 2011 I would like to call your attention to the caliber of musicians that we have in our midst. Month after month, year after year, they deliver the real thing. As I watch the American (and Canadian) entertainment scene I realize more and more the tragedy of mediocrity. What has today become more acceptable is not what we grew up with, but rather that which is forced onto us by those who cannot do what “real musicians” do. Performers of today are backed by supporters who they themselves do not know the meaning of good music. They hope by surrounding “the star” with side dancers, excruciating volume, fireworks, cheap theatrics and questionable lyrics, that we will overlook the fact that the individual has no talent. Many are a “flash in the pan.” The poor people can’t see that the wrong is not with the public but with themselves, and it is not an appreciative audience which they lack, but the power within themselves, which has not been given to them, and which they can never attain. As President of this club I am sure of one thing. We know what we are doing and we do it well. Mediocrity and apathy are two words I will not accept – from my board or from the entertainers. We shoot for the top and that’s why we get it. Listen to the pure and deliberate music of our bands. These are men and women who have been given that very special gift to know and understand what they are doing. Yes, you can study forever but if you don’t understand what you are studying you might as well go fishing. Let’s not fall into the life tragedies of those mediocre souls who have just enough ability to deceive themselves and those that love them, but not enough ability to win out.

In the Queen City Jazz Society, WE KNOW JAZZ.

Don Burns – President

Well spoken Don. We too are truly blessed by the fine musicians who entertain us at The Lanc year in and year out, and that we sometimes take for granted. W.

Jazz Quiz – Answer

1. – my stepfather’s big old, rusty 38”

2. – a big .44”

3. – “I’ve got me a jackknife and a gun.”

AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

LET’S ALL GO DOWN

TO THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

AND HAVE A PINT OR TWO

LET’S HAVE SOME FUN

AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

AND SING AWAY OUR BLUES

LET’S MEET NEW FRIENDS

AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

AND HEAR THAT DIXIELAND SWING

LET’S MAKE A DATE

AT THE FRIENDLIEST PLACE

DOWN AT THE “LANC JAZZ CLUB”

(by: Brian Dinsdale)

Brian Dinsdale Web Site

dinnyandtheallstars.com

UK Jazz

www.radiojazz.co.uk

Lanc Web Site

Grand International Festival

http://alexbayjazz.wordpress.com/

JAZZ CALENDAR

May 27-29, 2011

The New Grand International Ragtime-

Jasstime Festival, Bonnie Castle Resort, Alexandria Bay, NY –

Smugtown Stompers, The River Dogs,

Le Dixieband, ‘Prof’ Don Burns, Jack Hutton, Dariusz Terefenko, Jon Seiger Jordan Klapman, Bill Westcott, Bartz & Snider.

July 2-9, 2011

Wally’s Warehouse Waifs, Jazzdagen Tour Cruise, Holland America Maasdam, Montreal to Boston, with Titan Hot Seven, Tom Hook & The All Stars, Eddie Metz, Terry Myers, Bob Leary & Bobbie Durham.

Starting at $1040pp [email protected]

[email protected] www.jazzdagen.com

Sep 23-25, 2011

Earlyjas Festival, Strongsville, Ohio

Wolverine JB, Bob Schultz’ Frisco JB, St. Louis Stompers, West End JB, Northside JB.

www.earlyjas.org Tel: 330-678-5903 email:[email protected]